We think, "If not for this, I would be over here," with so little thought, so little examination of the facts, that we believe we have seen all the delicate twists time has danced with us. I say if I had only my self to care for, I would be out socializing, playing hearts, and reaching for passion again. But if I had only my self to care for the last couple years of my life would be changed, and then where would I find myself?
What is it that we are always looking for greener grass? Why does it seem that we have such a difficult time enjoying the joys of the place we finder ourselves in the present? It is good and noble to strive for a better place, but I think it is important to stop now and then and see if the current spot is really all that bad. I do not think it wrong to find peace on the journey for peace. Or within that journey.
And as we consider our own isolations, seeking comfort with another, it is important to remind ourselves to find comfort within.
People tell me there will be others. They tell me about my attractive qualities and what I have to give. It is not what I need, or especially care, to hear. I know that if I look I will eventually find someone. I know if I do not look chances are someone will find me. But truth be told I have mending of my own to attend. I do not regret the path I have trod, and I look not to find myself devoted to a partner at this time. Yet to have someone to hold, someone with whom to share my thoughts, and yes someone to help warm a bed as we sleep.
Sex. I am not concerned about sex. I'm not even concerned about love. I would be pleased to have a companion.
I see two mirrors. One shows a man free of responsibilities, testing the limits of passion and life and surrounded by others. The other shows a man taking care of what he must do, and knowing each chore is a blessing. A man who enjoys passions that do not burn, but keep eternally warm. I strive to be the second man. I know the first is the lonelier.
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