Homesick

Woe is me I am so homesick
But it ain't that bad
'Cause I'm homesick for the home I never had


     Growing up I was one of very few people who lived in a two-parent family. Making it more rare was the fact that my family contained both of my natural parents. This is the one thing that I wanted to give my children.

     It is also, as of August 19th, 2000, the one thing I will never be able to give them.

     I think I have generally come to accept this. I am occasionally saddened by it, and sometimes frustrated, but it is the way things must be.

     Still... I do think about how it would be to have someone else around. Someone who loved my children as much as I do. Someone whom I could love, and would love me in return. I dream about security and support. I do not think I ever felt completely secure in any of the relationships I have had. In high school, I was mostly realistic in this regard. I may have wished some of them would be a fairy tale come true, and I may have cried and been heartbroken, but I never believed any of them would really last to adulthood, and though I tried everything I could to work things out I was quite conscious of how tenuous my relationship with their mother was. So I have never had what I have wanted.

     Nevertheless, I miss it so.


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